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Dentist's Diary #1

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Not sure where to start, but I'm pretty sure this is the first time I write a post about what I do daily. Today is the first time that I broke an endo file inside my patient's root canal. I know we're trained to be able to handle emergencies like this but to be honest, my heart just shattered into millions of pieces. I can't help but to blame myself for making such mistakes. In a more optimistic way, this is part of learning process. I think maybe the next time if such case happen again in my own practice maybe I'll handle it more nicely than today.  My friends keep telling me that I should just keep quiet and proceed as if nothing happened but of course its very unethical. At that moment I feel that confessing my mistake is the right thing to do so I reported the situation to my supervisor. So glad that she is super nice and helpful because instead of scolding me for making such stupid mistake she actually tried to find ways to help me by contacting the reside
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Missing home

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Hello December 2018! Why do you fly so fast, time? It feels like yesterday that I just stepped into 2018 and now its already the last month of the year. Its December and I'm still stuck here in Bandung. I really missed home. I wanna go home and celebrate Christmas and New Year with my family. Oh well, I don't really celebrate Christmas but I just missed those gatherings that my family will do on New Year's Eve. I've missed so many years of New Year's Eve gathering and I don't know why this year particularly I just feel so saddened by the fact that I'm not going home for New Year. Maybe my heart is really tired. I'm conscious that I'm doing this for my future, for the job that I wanted but sometimes I'm really exhausted. Emotionally exhausted I would say. I always have this thought of putting everything aside and just leave this place for awhile and come back again when I'm fully replenished. I wish I'm carefree enough to do that.  No
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I've got the feeling that everything is coming to an end soon. But the mischevious side of me can't wait for the end to come. Can't blame me, 6 years of time is not a short period of time. I came to Bandung when I was 19. I am 25 this year, turning 26 in 8 months time? I can say that my youth has been given to the university. From a childish, always seeking for attention girl to now a young woman, I feel that many of my life changes happened here. From single to getting a boyfriend, it happened here. From a person who can't let go of anything to a person who understands the meaning of 'everything happens for a reason'. Life has taught me so many things in these 6 years time. People always say that growing up is an intimidating process, can't deny it especially when I notice the growth within myself. I can confidently tell people that I'm no longer the same person as I was when I just came here. I witnessed the mental and emotion growth in myself.  A
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I am so close to where I wanna be

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I am so close to where I wanna be yet it feels so far. I know I've came a long way, right now I just have to keep moving forward without worrying because I'm almost there. Talk is easy. Because 'almost' is unmeasurable. I can't predict what will happen tomorrow and this is killing me every single day. I blame the hormones because negativity hits me real hard when I'm emotionally unstable. Right now I miss home so much. I just wanna leave this place. Can I just put aside everything for awhile and go for a trip and have some good times? Can I? Another thing that bothers me so much right now is human. Ok, I'm a human so I know I don't have the right to judge another human being. BUT humans do scare me sometimes. Especially when they are so desperate for something. Maybe its for survival, I don't know but I don't feel comfortable to be with people like this. Anyways, not important because once I leave this place I'm not gonna see them anymore u
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The start of something new

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The end of 2017 marks the beginning of something big in my life. Something which requires commitment, faith, loyalty, trust and love. My heart breaks a little every time I think about it, life goes on and this post must be completed. Exactly 5 days from now, I will be parting with my boyfriend. No worries, we're not breaking up. In fact, we're starting a new and different journey. I've  heard so many long distance relationship stories, some are so inspiring and some are so heartbreaking. Now that I'm going to experience this whole LDR thing myself, I hope I can keep this relationship going. People changes, I don't dare to say that this is gonna work out but  at least I will try. The thought of this LDR thing is so intimidating. I'm so scared. I'm afraid of losing him. I've seen LDR that makes the couple love and appreciate each other more but I've also seen LDR that breaks up the couple.  I've always take his existence for granted. But now t
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Note to self

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Here I am, writing again. I just realized that I always write when I'm at the lowest point of my life. Maybe because no one understands me or I can't talk to anyone about it. And I've come to a point where I feel that talking to people about my problems wouldn't help. Because I will still be upset even after talking to people about it. So, why bother talking it out? Time flies . Without myself noticing, I've been a Dental Co-Assistant for almost a year. Everything happens so quickly and soon it will come to a time where I'll have to send my boyfriend back to Malaysia because he is almost done with this clinical year shits. Why do I call shits? Because this place sucks. The facilities suck, the people here suck. I'm definitely proud of him for getting through this phase and I'm very much happy for him. After so many years of struggles, finally he could put a full stop to the life here. But some part of me isn't very happy because I know the day wh
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Nobody says its gonna be easy, but will it be worth it?

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Ever since I entered clinical year, almost every week I will be emotionally unstable. Every single time when I'm feeling down, I feel like crying and give up. Road to becoming a dentist isn't easy. But is it hard because I'm incapable of coping with the studies or because I'm not good at practicals? The answer is no. Life as a Dental Co-assisstant in FKG Unpad is like hell because we're provided with very low standard facilities, we got scolded like a dog, we waited for the lecturers for few hours and nothing is done and the 'best' part is putting aside our pride to beg patients to let us treat so that we can fulfill our requirements. One good thing about this University is that our requirements are double of the requirements of other dental schools. Because we do double so we're more 'chio' ma... Studying and practicing here allow us to see all sorts of dental cases, some that we might not be able to see when we go back to Malaysia because the O
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