I blog my life

Not sure where to start, but I'm pretty sure this is the first time I write a post about what I do daily. Today is the first time that I broke an endo file inside my patient's root canal. I know we're trained to be able to handle emergencies like this but to be honest, my heart just shattered into millions of pieces. I can't help but to blame myself for making such mistakes. In a more optimistic way, this is part of learning process. I think maybe the next time if such case happen again in my own practice maybe I'll handle it more nicely than today.  My friends keep telling me that I should just keep quiet and proceed as if nothing happened but of course its very unethical. At that moment I feel that confessing my mistake is the right thing to do so I reported the situation to my supervisor. So glad that she is super nice and helpful because instead of scolding me for making such stupid mistake she actually tried to find ways to help me by contacting the reside...

Hello December 2018! Why do you fly so fast, time? It feels like yesterday that I just stepped into 2018 and now its already the last month of the year. Its December and I'm still stuck here in Bandung. I really missed home. I wanna go home and celebrate Christmas and New Year with my family. Oh well, I don't really celebrate Christmas but I just missed those gatherings that my family will do on New Year's Eve. I've missed so many years of New Year's Eve gathering and I don't know why this year particularly I just feel so saddened by the fact that I'm not going home for New Year. Maybe my heart is really tired. I'm conscious that I'm doing this for my future, for the job that I wanted but sometimes I'm really exhausted. Emotionally exhausted I would say. I always have this thought of putting everything aside and just leave this place for awhile and come back again when I'm fully replenished. I wish I'm carefree enough to do that.  No...

I've got the feeling that everything is coming to an end soon. But the mischevious side of me can't wait for the end to come. Can't blame me, 6 years of time is not a short period of time. I came to Bandung when I was 19. I am 25 this year, turning 26 in 8 months time? I can say that my youth has been given to the university. From a childish, always seeking for attention girl to now a young woman, I feel that many of my life changes happened here. From single to getting a boyfriend, it happened here. From a person who can't let go of anything to a person who understands the meaning of 'everything happens for a reason'. Life has taught me so many things in these 6 years time. People always say that growing up is an intimidating process, can't deny it especially when I notice the growth within myself. I can confidently tell people that I'm no longer the same person as I was when I just came here. I witnessed the mental and emotion growth in myself.  A...

I am so close to where I wanna be yet it feels so far. I know I've came a long way, right now I just have to keep moving forward without worrying because I'm almost there. Talk is easy. Because 'almost' is unmeasurable. I can't predict what will happen tomorrow and this is killing me every single day. I blame the hormones because negativity hits me real hard when I'm emotionally unstable. Right now I miss home so much. I just wanna leave this place. Can I just put aside everything for awhile and go for a trip and have some good times? Can I? Another thing that bothers me so much right now is human. Ok, I'm a human so I know I don't have the right to judge another human being. BUT humans do scare me sometimes. Especially when they are so desperate for something. Maybe its for survival, I don't know but I don't feel comfortable to be with people like this. Anyways, not important because once I leave this place I'm not gonna see them anymore u...

The end of 2017 marks the beginning of something big in my life. Something which requires commitment, faith, loyalty, trust and love. My heart breaks a little every time I think about it, life goes on and this post must be completed. Exactly 5 days from now, I will be parting with my boyfriend. No worries, we're not breaking up. In fact, we're starting a new and different journey. I've  heard so many long distance relationship stories, some are so inspiring and some are so heartbreaking. Now that I'm going to experience this whole LDR thing myself, I hope I can keep this relationship going. People changes, I don't dare to say that this is gonna work out but  at least I will try. The thought of this LDR thing is so intimidating. I'm so scared. I'm afraid of losing him. I've seen LDR that makes the couple love and appreciate each other more but I've also seen LDR that breaks up the couple.  I've always take his existence for granted. But now t...

Here I am, writing again. I just realized that I always write when I'm at the lowest point of my life. Maybe because no one understands me or I can't talk to anyone about it. And I've come to a point where I feel that talking to people about my problems wouldn't help. Because I will still be upset even after talking to people about it. So, why bother talking it out? Time flies . Without myself noticing, I've been a Dental Co-Assistant for almost a year. Everything happens so quickly and soon it will come to a time where I'll have to send my boyfriend back to Malaysia because he is almost done with this clinical year shits. Why do I call shits? Because this place sucks. The facilities suck, the people here suck. I'm definitely proud of him for getting through this phase and I'm very much happy for him. After so many years of struggles, finally he could put a full stop to the life here. But some part of me isn't very happy because I know the day wh...

Ever since I entered clinical year, almost every week I will be emotionally unstable. Every single time when I'm feeling down, I feel like crying and give up. Road to becoming a dentist isn't easy. But is it hard because I'm incapable of coping with the studies or because I'm not good at practicals? The answer is no. Life as a Dental Co-assisstant in FKG Unpad is like hell because we're provided with very low standard facilities, we got scolded like a dog, we waited for the lecturers for few hours and nothing is done and the 'best' part is putting aside our pride to beg patients to let us treat so that we can fulfill our requirements. One good thing about this University is that our requirements are double of the requirements of other dental schools. Because we do double so we're more 'chio' ma... Studying and practicing here allow us to see all sorts of dental cases, some that we might not be able to see when we go back to Malaysia because the O...

Don't I have the right to be alone? Don't I have the right to reject? Am I your puppet or what? To be frank, right now at this very moment I just feel like giving up on this relationship. I should be happy in a relationship. Not being pathetic and let you haunt me most of the time. I deserved to be loved and be respected. All you do every time you're not happy about something I did, you just fucking ignored me and expect me to realize the mistake I did, when the truth is I don't think I did anything wrong.  Why did I reject not going to your place? Because I wanna be alone. I wanna be alone to clear my mind and most importantly, to heal myself after so much bullshits happened to me for the past few months. You think it's easy? You will never understand what I've been through and why I'm so upset about me because YOU ARE NOT ME. You're pissed because I rather lock myself up and not going to your place to accompany. You think I'm pessimistic. Yes ...

Here comes the week of the month, when nothing goes right. The week of the month when every single thing pisses you off. Thank you PMS. You make me feel like crying every single moment when I think of 'that' thing. I'm trying not to talk about it because the boyfie said you don't have to repeat what you're not happy about. So yea, I'm so not going to talk about the current issue that is bothering me so much. I shall just relax and enjoy my two weeks holiday. It doesn't make any differences right whether it is next week or the week after next week. I have came a long way, waited since last year August, one or two weeks doesn't matter to me anymore. But I never stop questioning whether equality still exists or not. Two groups of people paying the same amount of money but one of them gets extra three months to work on their requirements. People always say that everything happens for a reason and up till now I still can't see the reason. What privileges...

It seems like blogspot has became a place where I express all my dissatisfactions. Because there is no one there to listen to most of my rants Maybe there is someone, my Zhang Bao. But Zhang Bao doesn't understand sometimes. He doesn't get why I'm not happy. Anyways, back to the point. Courtesy. It means "the showing of politeness in one's attitude and behavior toward others". Politeness in attitude. Maybe you don't know that cutting off or interrupt when someone is talking is pretty rude. Maybe you're too comfortable, you thought we're close friends and therefore it's okay to be not so polite. But let me tell you, no matter how close we are or how much I don't give a single shit about how you treat me, I am your friend. Aren't you supposed to be polite to your friends? Okay, let's just make it simple. I am your friend. I am not you family members. Therefore I am not obligated to accept or agree or tolerate your not so polite atti...

Before I even realized, it's already December 2015. Two more weeks to Christmas and three more weeks to a brand new year. What happened during this whole year? I don't remember... Recently, I've been really stressed up because of my minor thesis. I didn't get to enter the first batch of proposal exam. My draft still not very good, hanging there nothing more I can do. Friends went back to Malaysia and every now and then I feel like crying because I wanna go home too. The feeling when you see your friends are going home because they settled their stuff sucks, like seriously. They get two weeks of holiday, which I envied a lot. But what can I do. I'm not done with my proposal, do I even have the reason to go home. I really miss home. I wanna get away from this place, just for a little while. Because I'm so desperate to go home. I bought myself an air ticket to go back on 22nd. Yayyys! My hope is that 28-30th will be free but some asshole just decided to spoil...

I was pissed. I scolded him. And I felt guilty few hours later. What kind of shit is this? Sigh. Maybe it was my fault. Maybe I overreacted. But I know if I don't correct him now, one fine day I will explode again. Might as well just tell him what I disliked so that he wouldn't do it again :/ Yea la I'm such an asshole girlfriend. He probably had no idea what was the reason. He just knew that I was mad. Anyway, luckily everything is fine again phew~ I'm trying my best not to argue in this relationship. Oh wells, hopefully we will stay sweet as long as possible. I love him, he loves me. We are happy familyyyyy~~~

It has been two weeks since we're together. I'm still in the process of adapting. Clearly, accepting a new person into your life is not an easy thing. Maybe because I'm so used to being single, doing things alone that kind of thing. Currently, I'm having mixed emotions. I liked him. I really do but now that I've got him, I feel like going back to the days where we're 'just friends'. Aaahhhh I know you wanna slap me. Please tell me it's my hormone problem lol. In the past two weeks, everyday I asked myself did I do the right thing, is it too quick bla bla bla. I'm not the kind of person who looks for short termed relationships. I take this kind of thing seriously. So, it really bothers me a lot whether I've made the right choice or not. Sigh. I know he will treat me really good. Cause I can feel that he really cared about me. Maybe I should try harder. Try harder to adapt to this new life with you. "Maybe I'm not ready but I...

I'm seriously so sick with emotional guys. What is wrong with you? I know you don't have to explain what is wrong to me. But you just don't have to show the emotional side of you. I don't care how you see me, what you think of me ANYMORE because I'm done with you. I just hope you can handle your emotions next time. Have you ever thought your emotions can affect the people around you? Yes, you don't give a damn but other people do give a damn. It seems my sadness has turned into anger. I'm so tired. When everything seems perfect, something has to happen to destroy all the happiness and joy. Maybe my expectation was too high. I'm sorry. Sorry for expecting so much. I shall now put a FULLSTOP to all these rubbish that is happening to me. EXPELL negative people from my life.

I feel so uneasy. I don't know why I'm feeling uneasy. I JUST FEEL UNEASY. I can't sleep I can't concentrate. Shit just got serious. Why is this happening now? Does it really matter to me? What do I want? What can I do? Everything happened like God made. I know right.

First post in 2014! I'm finally home for semester break woohoooo. I know it's a bit too late for new year resolutions lol but I don't have any resolutions, not like I will follow haha. But I do have a wishlist. A list of things that I wish to achieve/get in 2014.. 1. Save more money. 2. Study harder than 2013. 3. Get A's in exams. 4. Get A's in socca. 5. Be a more carefree and happy person. 6. Super lucky in everything I do lol. I always think that luck is very important in everything. Exam, opportunity etc. 7. Maintain 46kg haha. 8. Be a nicer person. 9. Peace. 10. A***** wakaka. I think there are alot more haha. But the most important thing that I wished for 2014 is good health and happiness for my parents, family, friends and myself. What is life if you're not healthy and happy? May 2014 be a good year for you, you, you and YOU. I love all of you <3

Seriously, WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU??!! I'm being nice doesn't mean you can be rude to me. I'm being nice doesn't mean I enjoyed sarcarsm very much. Most important, I'm being nice doesn't mean you can STEP ON MY HEAD AND JUDGE MY FAMILY MEMBERS. Are you really that ignorant or no one actually taught you about manners? You wanna tease me, make me feel stupid, being rude to me like I owed you etc, FINE. Anyhow I'm waiting for that one day that I will explode. But who the hell are you to say my brother is lame. And my brother didn't even do anything to you. You stupid ar? From today onwards, you're going to be a piece of shit to me. Why do you wanna downgrade yourself liddat? Why you wanna make people hate your attitude? After all the conversations that we had, I can only conclude that you are like those ah beng ah seng out there, so no standard. Yes, you might be a smart person. But what's the point of being smart when you have attit...

One more month and I can finally go home again for my third sem break!!!!! I love how time flies when I'm here haha. But before I can go home, have to go through exams and socca sighhhhhh. Seriously why they don't banish socca? It's so disgusting ughhhhh. Anyway, I know I'll be fine. I just don't like the stress,  the insomnia that I have to experience during socca period. C'mon let me get through all these stuff ASAP so that I can leave earlier T.T Another reason why I'm dying to go home is because I really need to take a break. Not from studies but from the people here. Sometimes, I rather do stuff alone because I don't like the 'attachment'. I know it's very selfish of me to think this way because at some point of life, we still need friends. I'm not saying I don't need people to accompany me. What I mean is that I need my personal space. I mean, we don't have to do stuff together like ALL THE TIME right? I don't wanna shoo...

From a total stranger to classmate. And from classmate, you became a close friend of mine. Never thought we are going to be so close like now but it's sad to say, you're leaving tomorrow. People say when two person can become friends it's call fate. But when we can get along so well, it means we are people of the same thoughts. We have the same frequency in thinking. I wish I could make you stay and complete our degree together. But I know you'll be happier if you leave. Frankly speaking, if I can leave I think I would have do the same thing because of the shitty systems and some shitty people. I'm happy for you seriously. No more dramas and all. Best of luck in your future undertakings and I know you'll be very happy in Taiwan. I will update about our situations here. Please stay tuned for more epic dramas. You will be missed.

I'm waiting for one day, when both of you will be alone till the end. Don't blame others. Blame yourself. You guys pushed people away, with that shitty attitude of yours. And.. You will pay for what you did to me and Boon today. You will pay. Oh ya. I'm so glad you told me my thoughts are like a xiao mei mei. So glad you didn't kira with me because I'm a xiao mei mei. So glad you came and correct the both of us. Cause we are two ignorant kids. Oh but I forget to tell you, empty kettle makes the most noise. You're so noisy so are you empty? Thank you for underestimating the entire class. The whole class are just a bunch of idiots to you right? How come they are so stupid? Well, I just have to say both of you not very smart because you need a bunch of stupid people to make you look smarter right? Oi why don't thank us? lol Step people's head to get higher, you wait for karma la. And I wish the best of luck for the both of you. Because very soo...