I blog my life

These are the songs I listened the most recently. Drive by by Train Holes inside by Joe Brook I won't give up by Jason Mraz Stronger by Kelly Clarkson Blue by Bigbang Unwell by Matchbox 20 Super old song, I know Just wanna share. No other intentions.

I'm not a perfect person. I need to learn what I've got, what I'm not and who I am. I seriously need to put aside all my stupid assumptions and my fears, my anxiety. I worried too much. Seriously too much. Sometimes I even hate myself. Someone please convince me everything is gonna be alright. Someone again, please convince me, what belongs to me will eventually come back to me no matter how. I really feel like crying now. God, please take my fear away. Again, I hope what I sensed is not true. I know I have no ability to control. But still, please.....

So pretty, isn't it? I wish I have one too. Saw a girl wearing this heels the other day, in college. Like fashion show only. Maybe I'm not used to seeing people wear till so nice go college. Go college study only what, right???? Aiyoyo. Imagine students in Taylor's Lakeside. But, one thing that girl didn't realised is that she attracted so much attention. Oh well, maybe she knew but she surely didn't know people were laughing at her. No I'm not that mean. I didn't laugh. At that moment I somehow pitied her. She wanted to impress others but end up making fun of her ownself. NO she didn't fell down. Lol. Aish I don't know how to say but if you were there to witness, you'll understand. Hahaha. Alright end of this post.

I was thinking about my childhood. I think I was bullied by someone when I was in primary school. No, it didn't haunt me. I'm still a happy kid after all hmmm. At that time I didn't realise that her action was consider a bully. Consider emotional abuse I guess, not really physical. Hmm. And I still remember that person very well. So, she bullied me when we were in Std One. 7 years old. Oh well I guess the bully didn't last that long. I remembered Std two that time it has stopped. Then I don't know why when we were about 10 or 11 years old like that, we became close friend. And then after that not close anymore. Kids memang kids. They don't remember what people did to them. Recently only I start recalling and realise it was an abuse! I guess no point bringing up the past now. I believe in Karma. Haha. No point thinking about revenge. She seems to be leading an awesome life now. PEACE ON YOU. Thank you.

No doubt, I'm getting stronger each and everyday. But sometimes, I do get tired. When tears run down my cheeks unconsciously , I know I've reached a point where I'm tired of being strong and I just want to be a little kid, cry as much as I like. I never blame, I never hate. I know I must learn from life. Get a tissue, wipe my tears and start being strong again.

Once again, the i-want-to-delete-my-blog feeling is back. Just feel that keeping a dead blog is so pointless cause I seriously have no time to blog. And of course, I'm not a very good blogger. The way I blog is not impressive at all. Some will say, blog to release your anger or what so ever. In short, keep the blog macam diary lar. I prefer writing my diary than typing :/ Oh wells, most probably I will not deactivate this blog. Dead blog ma dead blog lor. I don't think anyone bothers. IELTS result releasing in 2days time. Fuhhh... nervous like mad. I keep praying 'at least 6.0 at least 6.0'. To be frank, I'm not a greedy person. For me, 'cukup makan' is good enough. Of course, if can get better lagi best lor hahahahaha. Still a greedy person in the end. Anyways, hopefully it won't be so bad. Most important it fulfills the University's minimum requirement. I want to improve my English. So badly. I want to get rid of all the broken English. Not that I ...

Alright. I'm not a big fan of purple. Evon is. Lol. I like green but I can't imagine myself with green hair haha. So I dyed my hair purple last Sunday. I don't know why I want to dye my hair purple, so badly. Lol. The feeling just come, so suddenly. The outcome is good. Most important I like it very much. At least purple is less common compared to brown right? I can bet that 7 out of 10 girls have brown hair lol. I know my hair colour is not very obvious but can see a lil bit right. Rawrrr I look fat in the pictures : ( Hopefully my dad won't screw me for dyeing my hair purple lol. I keep asking my friends, "Do I look lala?". Obviously they said no because they don't want to hurt my feelings, I know. Haha. I am a very shy and conservative girl a.k.a kolot. Dyeing my hair purple is considered a challenge for me. I don't know since when I became so daring but anyway, not a bad thing though. Must learn to be a risk-taker like my dad. No risk no gain. Ha...