Note to self
Here I am, writing again.
I just realized that I always write when I'm at the lowest point of my life. Maybe because no one understands me or I can't talk to anyone about it. And I've come to a point where I feel that talking to people about my problems wouldn't help. Because I will still be upset even after talking to people about it. So, why bother talking it out?
Time flies. Without myself noticing, I've been a Dental Co-Assistant for almost a year. Everything happens so quickly and soon it will come to a time where I'll have to send my boyfriend back to Malaysia because he is almost done with this clinical year shits. Why do I call shits? Because this place sucks. The facilities suck, the people here suck. I'm definitely proud of him for getting through this phase and I'm very much happy for him. After so many years of struggles, finally he could put a full stop to the life here. But some part of me isn't very happy because I know the day when he leaves will mark the starting of a different journey. A journey that I myself doubt if I could ever make it. I know its silly to think of something so farrrr ahead, something which hasn't happen yet. But I have to prepare myself to walk this journey.
Fear. Each and everyday I could feel the fear inside me growing and I don't know what to do. People always say that we have the power to control the way we respond to situations. But that just doesn't seem to work very well with me. I've turned into a very competitive person ever since I started my clinical year. In a not so good way, of course. I've became a person who envied other people's achievement. I know this is not healthy and I'm trying hard to let go of this mindset. I've became a person who compares my progress with my own friends, and I get upset when I find out that they are doing much better than me.
I just wanna feel happy and carefree. Happiness is so simple, but why am I having a hard time looking for it? What is it that I'm looking for? I've always wanted to slap myself back to my senses. I became so demotivated because of all the nonsense in my mind. Some days I'm so wise and some days I just feel like killing myself. Is there any remedy for sickness like mine?
I miss home. The last time I went home was two months ago. Two months feel like a very long time to me because I'm always upset. I'm homesick. I wanna go home but I can't because there are still tons of work waiting for me to do. I can't afford to go home right now.
Note to self. Give yourself one year time. One year from now, whatever that is happening right now, whatever struggles that I'm going through right now won't even matter anymore. Set goals and focus on the goals. YOU DESERVE TO BE HAPPY.
P/S: One year from now, will I be writing another blog post at home while waiting for my exit exam results? Just wondering....
I just realized that I always write when I'm at the lowest point of my life. Maybe because no one understands me or I can't talk to anyone about it. And I've come to a point where I feel that talking to people about my problems wouldn't help. Because I will still be upset even after talking to people about it. So, why bother talking it out?
Time flies. Without myself noticing, I've been a Dental Co-Assistant for almost a year. Everything happens so quickly and soon it will come to a time where I'll have to send my boyfriend back to Malaysia because he is almost done with this clinical year shits. Why do I call shits? Because this place sucks. The facilities suck, the people here suck. I'm definitely proud of him for getting through this phase and I'm very much happy for him. After so many years of struggles, finally he could put a full stop to the life here. But some part of me isn't very happy because I know the day when he leaves will mark the starting of a different journey. A journey that I myself doubt if I could ever make it. I know its silly to think of something so farrrr ahead, something which hasn't happen yet. But I have to prepare myself to walk this journey.
Fear. Each and everyday I could feel the fear inside me growing and I don't know what to do. People always say that we have the power to control the way we respond to situations. But that just doesn't seem to work very well with me. I've turned into a very competitive person ever since I started my clinical year. In a not so good way, of course. I've became a person who envied other people's achievement. I know this is not healthy and I'm trying hard to let go of this mindset. I've became a person who compares my progress with my own friends, and I get upset when I find out that they are doing much better than me.
I just wanna feel happy and carefree. Happiness is so simple, but why am I having a hard time looking for it? What is it that I'm looking for? I've always wanted to slap myself back to my senses. I became so demotivated because of all the nonsense in my mind. Some days I'm so wise and some days I just feel like killing myself. Is there any remedy for sickness like mine?
I miss home. The last time I went home was two months ago. Two months feel like a very long time to me because I'm always upset. I'm homesick. I wanna go home but I can't because there are still tons of work waiting for me to do. I can't afford to go home right now.
Note to self. Give yourself one year time. One year from now, whatever that is happening right now, whatever struggles that I'm going through right now won't even matter anymore. Set goals and focus on the goals. YOU DESERVE TO BE HAPPY.
P/S: One year from now, will I be writing another blog post at home while waiting for my exit exam results? Just wondering....
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