I blog my life

I am so close to where I wanna be yet it feels so far. I know I've came a long way, right now I just have to keep moving forward without worrying because I'm almost there. Talk is easy. Because 'almost' is unmeasurable. I can't predict what will happen tomorrow and this is killing me every single day. I blame the hormones because negativity hits me real hard when I'm emotionally unstable. Right now I miss home so much. I just wanna leave this place. Can I just put aside everything for awhile and go for a trip and have some good times? Can I? Another thing that bothers me so much right now is human. Ok, I'm a human so I know I don't have the right to judge another human being. BUT humans do scare me sometimes. Especially when they are so desperate for something. Maybe its for survival, I don't know but I don't feel comfortable to be with people like this. Anyways, not important because once I leave this place I'm not gonna see them anymore u...

The end of 2017 marks the beginning of something big in my life. Something which requires commitment, faith, loyalty, trust and love. My heart breaks a little every time I think about it, life goes on and this post must be completed. Exactly 5 days from now, I will be parting with my boyfriend. No worries, we're not breaking up. In fact, we're starting a new and different journey. I've  heard so many long distance relationship stories, some are so inspiring and some are so heartbreaking. Now that I'm going to experience this whole LDR thing myself, I hope I can keep this relationship going. People changes, I don't dare to say that this is gonna work out but  at least I will try. The thought of this LDR thing is so intimidating. I'm so scared. I'm afraid of losing him. I've seen LDR that makes the couple love and appreciate each other more but I've also seen LDR that breaks up the couple.  I've always take his existence for granted. But now t...

Here I am, writing again. I just realized that I always write when I'm at the lowest point of my life. Maybe because no one understands me or I can't talk to anyone about it. And I've come to a point where I feel that talking to people about my problems wouldn't help. Because I will still be upset even after talking to people about it. So, why bother talking it out? Time flies . Without myself noticing, I've been a Dental Co-Assistant for almost a year. Everything happens so quickly and soon it will come to a time where I'll have to send my boyfriend back to Malaysia because he is almost done with this clinical year shits. Why do I call shits? Because this place sucks. The facilities suck, the people here suck. I'm definitely proud of him for getting through this phase and I'm very much happy for him. After so many years of struggles, finally he could put a full stop to the life here. But some part of me isn't very happy because I know the day wh...

Ever since I entered clinical year, almost every week I will be emotionally unstable. Every single time when I'm feeling down, I feel like crying and give up. Road to becoming a dentist isn't easy. But is it hard because I'm incapable of coping with the studies or because I'm not good at practicals? The answer is no. Life as a Dental Co-assisstant in FKG Unpad is like hell because we're provided with very low standard facilities, we got scolded like a dog, we waited for the lecturers for few hours and nothing is done and the 'best' part is putting aside our pride to beg patients to let us treat so that we can fulfill our requirements. One good thing about this University is that our requirements are double of the requirements of other dental schools. Because we do double so we're more 'chio' ma... Studying and practicing here allow us to see all sorts of dental cases, some that we might not be able to see when we go back to Malaysia because the O...

Don't I have the right to be alone? Don't I have the right to reject? Am I your puppet or what? To be frank, right now at this very moment I just feel like giving up on this relationship. I should be happy in a relationship. Not being pathetic and let you haunt me most of the time. I deserved to be loved and be respected. All you do every time you're not happy about something I did, you just fucking ignored me and expect me to realize the mistake I did, when the truth is I don't think I did anything wrong.  Why did I reject not going to your place? Because I wanna be alone. I wanna be alone to clear my mind and most importantly, to heal myself after so much bullshits happened to me for the past few months. You think it's easy? You will never understand what I've been through and why I'm so upset about me because YOU ARE NOT ME. You're pissed because I rather lock myself up and not going to your place to accompany. You think I'm pessimistic. Yes ...

Here comes the week of the month, when nothing goes right. The week of the month when every single thing pisses you off. Thank you PMS. You make me feel like crying every single moment when I think of 'that' thing. I'm trying not to talk about it because the boyfie said you don't have to repeat what you're not happy about. So yea, I'm so not going to talk about the current issue that is bothering me so much. I shall just relax and enjoy my two weeks holiday. It doesn't make any differences right whether it is next week or the week after next week. I have came a long way, waited since last year August, one or two weeks doesn't matter to me anymore. But I never stop questioning whether equality still exists or not. Two groups of people paying the same amount of money but one of them gets extra three months to work on their requirements. People always say that everything happens for a reason and up till now I still can't see the reason. What privileges...

It seems like blogspot has became a place where I express all my dissatisfactions. Because there is no one there to listen to most of my rants Maybe there is someone, my Zhang Bao. But Zhang Bao doesn't understand sometimes. He doesn't get why I'm not happy. Anyways, back to the point. Courtesy. It means "the showing of politeness in one's attitude and behavior toward others". Politeness in attitude. Maybe you don't know that cutting off or interrupt when someone is talking is pretty rude. Maybe you're too comfortable, you thought we're close friends and therefore it's okay to be not so polite. But let me tell you, no matter how close we are or how much I don't give a single shit about how you treat me, I am your friend. Aren't you supposed to be polite to your friends? Okay, let's just make it simple. I am your friend. I am not you family members. Therefore I am not obligated to accept or agree or tolerate your not so polite atti...